Finally…

After sending countless messages to GoDaddy and surfing far too many forums, I finally managed to get a close-to-finished version of my website up and running. I still have some formatting issues to deal with, but at least it’s up.

Click here to be taken to the new site.

GoDaddy Sucks

I’ll be the first to admit that I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing when it comes to building/hosting/publishign websites. This is one of the reasons that RapidWeaver has such appeal to me. It’s a simple to use program with enough in-depth customization options that give me an introduction to design and coding. In theory, I should be able to build my website, purchase my domain and hosting, then upload right from RapidWeaver with a click of my mouse.

I purchased a domain from GoDaddy, partly because it seemed simple enough and partly because I should have done more research. GoDaddy is apparently not compatible with RapidWeaver. I’ve sent countless messages to GoDaddy in the past three of four days without getting a half-decent response, let alone one from a real person. I sent them this today.

Can somebody just tell me how to publish my fucking website? I’ve been trying to get ACTUAL HELP FROM A REAL PERSON FOR THREE GODDAMN DAYS. None of them have been the least bit helpful. I literally cannot wait to transfer everything from GoDaddy to another host. I’ve had enough useless, generic emails from your stupid support. And it doesn’t help that your phone line is long-distance. Otherwise I would just call and bitch to a real person.

I have my files uploaded to your server, just tell me how to TURN THE FUCKING WEBSITE ON. Then, tell me how to update blog posts without re-uploading everything. I used RapidWeaver to build my site, and I’m supposed to be able to upload the site, then just any new files directly to my domain, yet the messages I sent about this get canned answers.

It’s bad enough that I have to try to navigate your overly cluttered site to try and find help (really, how much of that is actually necessary?) and countless links that open up into new windows. Each message that I have sent has been civil, but apparently that doesn’t work.

Yes, I’m new at this. You assholes should be helping me. IT IS YOUR JOB.

The problem is that I don’t want to spend money. I bought the domain for $10 for the year, which included a basic hosting package. I shopped around a bit and found Canadian hosting in the $6-9 per month range, which would be fine and fucking dandy if I could pay it on a monthly basis. I can spare putting a few bucks a month on my credit card, but I can’t put up the $100 up-front sum that the other hosts want.

If anyone happens to have any suggestions, I’m all for it. I’d love to not be dealing with GoDaddy at all, but I’m stuck with them for another couple of months.

This sucks.

New Site in the Works

Thanks to the MacHeist nanoBundle, which is still available for another 13 hours, I was able to procure a copy of RapidWeaver (as well as some other Mac applications that I may or may not ever use) for about $20.

RapidWeaver is a web design application with a sleek, simple interface and the ability to run lots of third-party plugins. What does this all means for me? It means that I will now be able to create, relatively easily, a personal web site. So I can actually host my blog and portfolio on an actual site, as opposed to WordPress.

I’ve only been tinkering with it at this point, but eventually I’ll end up buying a domain and transferring everything over to it. I need to think up a new name and url. I have some in mind, but I am open to suggestions.

Maybe the fact that I’ll be owning, and paying, for a site will prompt me to update more.

Jobs at the Umbrella Corporation

On a whim, I checked the Kijiji job listings today and found this posting. This company has aptly decided that the logo of a fictional evil corporation from a series of popular zombie video games is suitable for their property management company. I could always use a few extra dollars, so I applied.

Dear Umbrella,

I stumbled upon your posting here on Kijiji and was surprised to find that you were hiring. I was unaware that you also dealt in property management. I have had plenty of sales experience, although none in property management. I am confident that I could learn very quickly.

I do have a few questions, though:

1. What is the pay scale? I would imagine there would be some sort of commission? What about danger pay or injury compensation?
2. When selling, what sort of security is provided to your salespeople?
3. Are there positions available in locations other than Hamilton? I have always been interested in working in Africa.
4. How much outdoor work is required? I am very fearful of raccoons.

If I happen to think of any more, I will be sure to contact you. I am also a close personal friend of Alice. I’m sure that she will give me an excellent recommendation if asked. Please let me know who I should address my resume to.

Thank you for your time.

Jack

The page on Kijiji has since disappeared. It is likely that it wandered off into a dark mansion or forest by itself to meet some horrible end. I thankfully had the foresight to take a screengrab when I found it.

Umbrella has yet to message me back about my future with the company. I’m really hoping it works out.

The Unfuzzy Parts of the Last Three Years

Three years flies past pretty quickly. I seems like only yesterday I was sitting in Nancy Kovak’s Intro to Advertising – Copy class looking around awkwardly at my classmates.

I remember that on my very first day of college, I sat beside Tony and in front of Chris. After that class ended, I decided that I’d track down the room for my next class. I wandered over to the I Wing, found the room, and then stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out what to do next. I then noticed two girls that I recognized from my previous class walking down the hallway towards me, Sofia and the long-gone Katie. Being the social butterfly that I am, I introduced myself and sheepishly asked if I could tag along with them. We then walked up the street to Katie’s apartment, setting up the standard between-class activities that we would do. As our core group expanded to include Tony and Cassie, we would drive over to Katie’s place and watch The Price is Right on our breaks.

College pushed me out of my shell, mostly because I enjoyed being there. I enjoyed what I was learning and I loved the people that I was surrounded by. In high school I had plenty of friends, but only a handful of people I really care to stay in contact with. I’ll bump into someone from time to time and we’ll chat and say, “Let’s head out to the pub or something one of these day to catch up,” but we never do and it really doesn’t bother me the slightest that we don’t. But, in a rare moment of seriousness, I can honestly say that the people I hang out with regularly are my best friends. I fucking love you guys. I would go to the ends to the earth for you and I’ve never really been able to say that before. I sincerely hope that we all manage to keep in contact after the end of our time at Mohawk. Maybe I shouldn’t say all. Most.

So if in first year I came into my own personality-wise, in second I figured out that, at the very least, I know that I want to be in advertising. I can’t remember too many noteworthy stories of second year off the top of my head, though. Either nothing too interesting happened, or I’ve been drinking too much.

Third year rolled around, and it seemed that everyone had developed this weird apathy towards the program. I think that we started to get annoyed with the inadequacies of the program, the workload and maybe just the uncertainty of whether we could get (or even want) jobs in advertising. The profs noticed this and we had a few speeches about it. What ended up getting us interested again was our Agency Tours. Seeing what the real world is like, even just for a few hours, seemed to give us that drive to do better.

Then the Christmas break finally came. The time off from school was much needed, and the Advertising New York Trip was such a blast. We had such an awesome group of people from our class together on the trip, and we met so many awesome people the other years and other programs.

And into the final semester. The push to put together a great portfolio is so stressful, which many of us have been alleviating with near-constant partying on weekends. I really wish I had began to go out more last year. I’ve been having so much fun these past few weeks just depriving myself of sleep for the sake of fun.

edit: I forgot to mention MCA. Since I still have another week of it, I will refrain from speaking my mind for the time being. I will have an additional post once the semester is over.

I have a book together that I’m proud of, I have prospects for internships, I have plans with Bobby and Lindsay to move in together once we all get jobs. I’m ready to head out into the working world. In an uncharacteristic display of optimism, I think that the future is bright.

I know the last few posts haven’t really been all that great in terms of content. Raf has us blogging for class, so the last few have been counted as assignments. Humour will come soon.

Review: Red Interactive

Apparently I was supposed to review two design websites for Mr. Rafael. So here I go with a review of Red Interactive Agency.

The first thing that I noticed, since my poor internet connection forced me to stare at the loading screen for quite some time, was the url, ff0000.com. FF0000 is the hex code for one particular shade of red. It fits with the name, and I have nothing else to say about that.

The actual site is really interesting. You’re given a Victorian–esque avatar with which to explore the page. Other users visiting the site show up on the page to interact with. My time was spent yelling old-timey obscenities and punching others. It was fun, but distracted me from the actual content on the site. Since it’s a website for a web design agency, and not a chat room, the social interaction aspect seems put in just for the sake of it. I didn’t come here to chat.

Some idiot from China distracted me from exploring much more.

The work on the site seems decent enough, for it’s eclipsed by the social game. I liked teh Assassin’s Creed online pieces that they did, such as the Twitter game and iPhone app, and their web design is also top-knotch.

The design of the site is nice, but I honestly don’t get the Victorian drawings. They’re sort of funny, but I don’t quite understand why they’re put in there.

All in all, it’s an alright website, but the social part distracted me from the content. If the chat room part was its own separate site or page, I would pay more attention to the rest of the site.

Review: Hello Monday

Raf told us to review a design blog, then advertise it via a tweet. I hate that sort of self-promotion, namely because most of the time when anyone I know links to their own blog post, it tend to be horrid. So as I finish this entry, I will tweet about it. Reluctantly.

So from the list we were given, I chose to review Hello Monday, for no reason other than that the screen-grab on the list had a this awesome brown/black duotone colour scheme to it. Brown always has this great earthy feel to it.

After clicking on the link, I was brought to an awesome loading page. It’s not too often that I’m impressed while my shitty internet connection loads up a Flash-enriched webpage. The loading screen scrolls through and reads “Loading: Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday” et cetera, et cetera. “Clever,” I said aloud.

That colour scheme gives me wood. I’ll need a minute.

[One full minute elapses, which turns into 15.]

What I noticed, and liked, about the main page was that when you scroll over each set of work it highlights in full colour. I also liked the whale animation. I don’t know why, but I did. Each set carries common colours, which gives a nice contrast to the various browns, and really is a nice touch. Click on one, and it brings in a closer view as well as information about whichever collection you’ve chosen. Dragging the cursor left or right lets you scroll through.

Clicking the links in the top right header bar fluidly scrolls through the different pages. That fluidness makes for a very easy and appealing site to navigate.

Frankly, I was hoping for a terrible site so I could rip it apart. That would likely provide more opportunities for jokes. But I’m actually quite impressed. The design is awesome, the concept is awesome and the little sprinklings of humour are appreciated. The FWA review of the site is well-earned.

And that’ll wrap it up. That’s what she said. Damnit.

Alarms

As I’m writing this, I am missing a class.

I haven’t had an alarm clock that I’ve actually trusted for quite some time now. I look at them with a skepticism and paranoia that is usually reserved for shadowy figures in alleys behind dirty bars. It’s hard enough for me to sleep when I don’t know how to turn my brain off, let alone when I think my digital clock might shank me.

This fear of my clock started off as confusion. I received it last year, I believe, for Christmas. I had requested an alarm clock that could play CDs, since I had grown annoyed with waking up to either the static of the crappy little radio or a fire engine siren. So I plugged it in, turned it on and set the time.

The first thing that I noticed was that the display has 8 unique colour settings, plus red for when something is wrong. There are 4 settings that are, for whatever reason, brighter than the sun, 3 that are slightly more dim and 1 that is bearable.

What this clock also has is a “Nap” function. It’s much like the “Sleep” setting on every other alarm clock ever made (and that nobody will ever actually use), only in reverse. Where Sleep turns the radio off after a specified amount of time, Nap turns it on. It makes sense, and would be a favourable setting if I regularly took naps or if it worked properly. I am 100% certain that the wires inside my alarm are crossed. When I decide to set the alarm before I go to sleep, I push a button on the right side of the clock. Every 3rd time that I do this, it engages the Nap function. It was only until recently that I learned how to turn it off; before this I was forced to fall peacefully asleep before being jolted back to consciousness after 20 minutes, then swear quietly. I would then try to reset the alarm and hope that Nap wouldn’t turn on.

Since I discovered how to turn Nap off, by alarm clock has grown vindictive. I think it enjoyed tormenting me with 20 minutes of sleep at a time, and now that I have figured out how to avoid this, it has chosen to simply not wake me up ever. I set the two available alarms exactly the same as I always have, and for whatever reason it chooses not to go off. Luckily enough, I tend to wake up before I need to get up, but I still always look at the clock with confusion. I pay with the settings, and then say “Fuck it,” and get dressed.

Why my alarm clock hates me so much is beyond me. I never did anything to upset it.

But I accepted all of this, mainly because I had a phone. I would use the alarm on my BlackBerry (which I hate, but I won’t get into that) as a back-up. I would set it for the absolute latest time that I could get up and have time to get ready. This actually worked great for quite some time.

And then Research in Motion released a BlackBerry-to-Mac application. One of the reasons I hated my Curve so much was that it wasn’t at all compatible with my computer. “Great,” I thought. “I can finally add my conatcts, calendars, and notes to my phone. This is why I wanted a smartphone to begin with.” And with this application, I was able to finally update the software on my phone. And destroy the alarm clock in the process.

This is what I think happened:
With the out-of-date software, my Curve was like a bastard child that I didn’t really like, but was stuck with until I could adopt an iPhone. I gave the orders and it followed. All that it knew was that I was boss. With the update, my Curve grew into adolescence. It is now smart enough to think for itself and form it’s own opinions. It also likes to act out. So now it sees how much I dislike it, and resents this.

I usually sleep with my phone charging on my headboard, Curiously enough, my alarm clock is also on my headboard. Clearly the two have been talking. They are in league. The clock has planted the seed of insubordination into the fragile, confused little head of my BlackBerry.

And now I have no alarm. Which is why I woke up this morning at 9:30. I have a class at 9:oo and a 20 minutes drive (in good weather) There is at least 6 inches of snow on my car and I live on a forgotten dirt road.

On my was into Hamilton today, I will be stopping to purchase a new clock.

I’m stuck with my phone, but my old clock will be exiled to my closet.

Camels

So guess what’ll be hitting us later this year:

I’d like to state how much I hate Sarah Jessica Parker. She is a hideous, hideous human being. Her face looks like a cross between a horse and a leper’s foot. She is also one of a handful of actresses who are only considered attractive by other women. If I happen to get hate mail from this, which I hope I do, please back me up guys.

Since I’m on the topic, she actually plays the camel at 1:20.

How does this drivel get turned into not one, but two shitty movies? I can honestly say that I have never watched more than maybe 5 minutes of the show, and that was more than enough for me to formulate an opinion on it. “Get Carried Away?” Are you shitting me? Someone thought that was an alright tagline? Someone needs a kick in the teeth.

As far as I can tell, this is what the tv show was about: Sarah Jessica Parker plays a writer named Carrie, who, in this particular universe, is somehow viewed as an attractive woman. Then her an her 3 whorey friend bone a whole bunch of dudes (and probably some women: isn’t one a lesbian?) while drinking colourful drinks and wearing Prada while Carrie voice-overs the hell out of everything. Then they decide that whoring it up isn’t all that great anymore, and someone gets married, and then something else happens, then something else, and they all decide to go to the dessert for some reason. Wearing Prada, because designer fashion is so chic when dodging RPGs in the Gaza Strip.

Someone confirm how accurate this is, please.

Steven Segal: Lawman

Welcome to the greatest show in the history of the world.

I will start off by saying that I hate, hate, reality TV. There are far too many shows about bad asses doing stuff. Bad asses building motorcycles (which is fitting, so I won’t complain), making paint, carving ice, rescuing animals or owning pawn shops. It seems as though if you have sleeve tattoos and can scowl, you get to be a tv star. But I love Lawman.

According to the trailer, Steven Segal was shooting a movie and the local police asked him to show them some self-defense techniques. Out of thanks, they deputize him. Now, I don’t know the full extent of Steval Segal’s training. I know that he is a highly trained Aikido fighter, and I know that he has probably gone through some basic weapons or combat training in preparation for his various movies. So I’ll assume that, in his prime, Steven Segal was probably fit to be a police officer.

In his prime.

Nowadays, Mr. Segal is no longer a movie star. The last movie of his that anybody remembers is 2002′s Half Past Dead with Ja Rule. Between then and now, IMDB tells me that he’s mostly been in straight-to-video releases, and a fake trailer in The Onion Movie.

That was actually pretty sweet. Good job, Steven. I take back some of the unflattering things I have said about you.

Back to it: So here we have cameras following Steven Segal as he rides around with his friends in the police. This would be okay if he didn’t have a badge or title. Because of said badge and title, Steven pretends to be a police officer. He speaks constantly, in his raspy whisper, about the perils of being a police officer. Or about how dangerous the streets are. Or about how anything can happen. Or about how about how perilous is is to be a police officer on the dangerous streets where anything can happen.

The best part of the show, however, is what I’ll refer to as “Steven Segal’s Justice Vision.” Justice Vision occurs when something suspicious is about to happen. What it basically entails is Steven Segal mentioning something about how he has a keen eye/sixth sense/feeling for danger or crime. The camera goes all grainy and black and white, and focuses on some nearby black people.

Shut up, I’m not being racist.

So they pull dramatically flip on the sirens and pull up in their SUVs. The suspect then takes off, and everybody starts to run. Eventually a winded Steven Segal catches up to the other cops who have the suspect handcuffed. He then speaks in the same raspy whisper to the suspect about what they were doing and how bad it could’ve ended up. For some reason, Steven speaks as though he’s a black man in the 70′s. Why do you talk like that, Steven? What’s with the jive?

The suspect will nod in agreement for a few minutes, before realizing that he’s being lectured by Stevel Segal. He will now be star-struck.

Wait! Is that a gun? Re-enter Justice Vision!

We come back from the excitement of Justice vision to the suspect in the back of the car. Repeat this a few times until the last 10 minutes of the show, when Steven takes his cop buddies to a shooting range, or an acupuncture clinic or on some other arbitrary outing.

I get the same pleasure out of this show as I get from watching a terrible movie. It’s one of those things that’s so unbelievably bad it’s terrific. Not in a Jersey Shore sort of way either. More like watching, well, a Steven Segal movie.